Love Marie
by My Broken Quill
Summary: I don’t know how long this will take to get to you. I don’t think you’ll be here in time … the Professor will tell you the hows and whys if you want to know. Thanks Logan.


Friends are the family we seek out for ourselves. I believe in that saying wholeheartedly Jubilee.

I was an only child back home, did I tell you that? I can't remember but I don't think I did … So it was actually rather annoying most of the time to have to put up with you. Sharing clothes, lip gloss and the telephone line almost made me consider killing you … I'm not very good at writing goodbye letters am I? What I'm trying to say that the reason why I put up with all that is because I loved you to bits and pieces Miss Lee, you were my sister from another mother - Jackie Chan to my Owen Wilson. In other words, you were always there for me, put up with all my complaining about my skin and listened to my lust addled whining about You Know Who.

… Now that I think about it, I'm surprised _you _didn't consider killing _me_. Saint Jubilee, that's what you are.

You know what I love you best for? For siding with me when that whole Bobby/Kitty debacle happened. It felt like me against the world back then but I always felt like I could face it head on when you stood next to me, badmouthing them inventively. Thanks for that Juba … but I think it's time to let it go. It feels … _trivial _now doesn't it?

Join me down here when you're ready.

P.S. thanks for the laughter.

* * *

Don't worry, this isn't a letter blaming you for what's happened to me, or one that's threatening to haunt you for the rest of your life. I actually want to apologise. To you and Kitty. Surprised? It kind of hurts that you are … which is why I didn't want to leave as this girl, so I'm making amends.

You know what we weren't good at, back when we were together? Honesty. It's not that we lied, we just evaded. We _both _knew it wouldn't work. We _both _knew you liked Kitty and we _both _knew that I was going to get that cure come hell or high water. And we _both _knew what would happen later.

And yet, we ignored it all and did it anyway.

I'm sorry for painting you as the bad guy. Tell Kitty she was never very good at playing the Other Woman either.

So why did I do it? Because it hurt … loosing everything I knew I should want but didn't … you were _perfect _- just not for me, and that hurt too because I didn't exactly have a lot of candidates queuing outside my door waiting to take your place.

Turns out, I'm a horrible human being.

Forgive me if you can please?

* * *

Dear Professor … this is a little weird but I think telling you this or letting you have a peep in my head would be ten times weirder so … this way it is. I don't think I've ever told you this, and trust me, it isn't just me thinking this but you are the closet thing to the ideal father I've always wanted.

It - it wasn't so good for me … back home, it was - I had to leave, but if I had known you existed I would have done it a lot sooner. Not just you of course, the other teachers too, you all made this more than a school. More than a home even. This was a _haven _and I wouldn't want to be buried anywhere else.

About that, I know you all tried - and thank you for that too, I appreciate it, and I'm sorry for all the things I said. I didn't mean them, I just got used to you being able to fix everything. And when you couldn't fix this … it … well …

… I don't know how this works. Am I meant to write down what I want you to do with me? Do I leave a will? Ummm … I guess I would like to be buried; I'm not really religious anymore so that doesn't matter to me. I don't really have anything … but can Jubilee take anything of mine that she wants first before you give it away or - uh, throw it out?

Can you … can you tell my mum that I'm gone please?

And … don't bury me with gloves on.

Anna Marie D'Ancanto

* * *

You probably think I don't understand … but I do. I know what you saw when you looked at Jean. You saw everything you wanted, everything that's right, and soft and bright in the world. You saw Heaven in her and knew that anything else would be Hell.

Don't scoff now but I feel that way about you too.

Ain't it funny? How _I_ was all twisted upside down for _you_, while _you _were crazy over _her_, and _she _was unable to exist without _him_? It's like we asked for it.

I just … I've never told anyone this and I think it would be a shame if I go without having even said it once. I - Jesus, I'm not even saying this to you and it's still hard.

Iloveyou.

_There_.

The romantic in me is dreaming up all these fantasies where this letter opens your eyes to how you feel about me and speed all the way here in order to whisk me off my feet and into the sunset.

Don't Logan. Because even if your eyes suddenly feel a little more open, even if you gun the motorbike and hurry down here … it just couldn't happen …

I'm dying.

_Stop _Logan. Sit down and put the keys back in your pocket. There is _nothing _you can do. I'm cured remember? Turns out it wasn't so much a cure as a slow poison. Sure, I can't hurt other people, but they turned it inside out - now it just hurts me.

And the - the _pain _Logan … I can't wait for the end. _I really can't Logan …_

They tried everything they could, so don't go blaming them. And don't blame yourself either, I won't have that. This was - this was my fault, I made my bed and now I'm lying in it.

Here's a happy thought though, think out what the cure must be putting ol' Bucket Head through?

Here's another … well for me at least. Could you get here before they bury me … and could you, I know it's icky and all, but could you please give me a little kiss? _Just one?_

Bye Logan,

Thanks for letting me inside your trailer.

Love Marie

... I wish I had the guts to send this to you ... I wish it could make a difference ... I don't want to hurt you when it couldn't Logan.

* * *

I don't know how long this will take to get to you. I don't think you'll be here in time … the Professor will tell you the hows and whys if you want to know.

Thanks Logan.

* * *

_Morbid much, right? More or less angsty then I usually write? I've dealt with abortion, serious relationship issues, borderline rape, genocide, stockholm syndrome and the issues regarding older man/younger girl relationship yet to me this feels a little more angsty. I know i havn't published in a while, been a bit of a mess recently, which explains the mood of the story, yep, no foof for a while, so this is me just testing the waters again._


End file.
